Finally, It is one week until surgery. It's been so bipolar here. Rain one day and beautiful sun the next. Luckily I have been adjusting pretty well. Part of me is constantly thinking about the journey I have been on so far. Who I was, Who I became, How I lost who I became, Who I was again, Who I became again, all those feelings you feel as you are about enter metamorphosis for the millionth time. I see people doing these how much I have changed in 10 years instagram posts. I have changed a lot, but honestly i'm still the same guy I was, my core of my heart is, at least. I have had many transformations in the last 10 years, but certain things I have kept through each version of myself. It got me thinking about where I was 10 years ago. I was making music videos, going in the studio, having movie nights, crushing on Darren Criss and hanging with whatever friends I had left. I left high school that year. I became home schooled and it was one of the best decisions I made in my late teens. The year before that was half good half bad. I was in middle school for the first half of the year. It was glorious. I was on top of the world. Top of my class, very popular and had more than enough friends. Then summer came along and high school was around the corner. Summer was good. My mom put me in a weight loss boot camp and I lost 20 pounds. I then dated a girl who I would later find out was a real life skank (she cheated on me with MULTIPLE GUYS). Then I started high school and couldn't find my place there. Something happened in summer 2009 and all I wanted to do was make music. So I brought that desire to my friends at school. Only to be shoved away and kicked out of my friend group. As you know, they thought what I wanted was unrealistic. Sure, for them it was... for me it wasn't. I have told this story chapters ago. But for my new readers, long story short.. they looked at me the way kanye looks at taylor, as a fucking snake filled with poison. They hated me because I was starting to show my true colors and what I loved more. They didn't like the fact that I wanted something better for myself. It sucked, because I genuinely loved some of my former friends. It hurt having to see them take sides because they didn't believe in their own dreams. Since then, well do I really have to repeat the last 10 years? I mean, I made 2 albums, moved to la, performed 100's of shows, did a tv show comp, got picked up, got dropped, lost grandma, lost auntie terry, became an uncle twice, became a social influencer, left la, ended up in SF, got a disease called Glaucoma, made new and more important friends (who have become family), got hurt, been through hell, fell in love, about to get my 7th eye surgery, and after all that, I guess it will be time to say goodbye. Or see you later as they say. But anyways, the point of this all is to confirm, this bitch still has poison in him, lol. I'm serious. That's one of the things I have carried through each version of myself. I think the thing that I scared people most with, was my drive and wild ambition. That is my poison. My poison is me living my truth. I don't want to be fake and leave out details. Sure, I won't share everything, but I will share enough that you'll be able to paint a larger picture. It's an honor to be compared to a snake. Hell, my house at Hogwarts is Slytherin, so it truly is meant to be. To top it off, I guess my venom is my Glaucoma meds. Green is the color that represents this disease that I have. I own my poison. To the normal people, they see me as something that shouldn't be touched. To the people who use their own poison to their advantage, they get what i'm trying to do. I had a convo with Dan last month, and we were just saying, no one normal can understand what us dreamers believe. It's okay to be a dreamer and show your true colors. If no one understands, even after 10 years, then I guess they haven't really evolved, and their whole transformation instagram post is just a waste of feed space. Look at Taylor Swift, through all the hell she endured, she's stronger than ever, and she uses her poison to her advantage. As I head into my surgery and what is next, i'm gonna use mine and sure as hell let it shine.
Photographer: Courtney Johnson
What i'm wearing: Jacket - Forever 21, Shirt - H&M, Jeans - H&M
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
Stories From My Life - Chapter 10
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Stories From My Life
(APRIL 17- PRESENT)