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CHAPTER 1: Welcome To New York
Entry #5: "Changes"
My landlord knew all of this and didn't even tell me anything. I was beyond upset. It's bad enough I have been having so many problems with my apartment since I arrived in NYC. There was never any locks on the door, I never had curtains, I never got a stove, I never got a sink, and I even had a hole on the floor. It has been a nightmare. I packed my bag, grabbed my guitar, and I left to stay at Jesus's place for the night. I told my landlord I would see him early in the morning to discuss this. He did not handle this correctly. This homeless man tried on my clothes, ate my food, took a shower in my shower, I feel beyond violated by all of this. The next morning I met with my landlord and he sent me to some far off place towards the back of Brooklyn. I couldn't stay at the other apartment anymore. It was too much for me. Now I'm at this other location until I can figure out what to do with this messy living situation I am now in. I just want a place where I can feel at home, and not violated by landlords and their messy properties. I'll talk about them later on as this story goes on... I'm not done with them.
I asked my sister, am I capable of doing this all? Am I capable of helping all these guys cross the line, I once almost crossed, within the first big shot of my career. I want nothing more than to help my brothers, and these boys, get to the dreams that they dream of. I want them to be able to have their happiness fulfilled. The tears on Julio's face are forever engraved within my mind. It really broke me. I know what that is like. My sister knows that I know what that is like too. Talking with Courtney brought us back to when I first began all of this, way back when I was 12 years old. Now here I am, 12 years later and still pursuing this dream. She told me no one is more capable than you. You can do this. I can't turn back to live in SF. I can turn to home for advice and a breather, but I can't live there again. I have to move forward for my family and the family I am now apart of here, in NYC. I promised my family I would tell our story, I have no choice but to help my new family in NYC, make it, so that way we all make it. After I spoke with Courtney, I called my brothers. I apologized for going batshit crazy. I also had to reassure them. These things happen, and I'm kinda glad it happened to my brothers. They needed this. Every artist goes through issues, like this. They now have been through it too. Now when they get older, they can say that they lived through it, and look at how little of an issue it is, compared to when I first happened. It's just been a rough week for my family here in NYC, and myself. I'm just ready to figure out what we can do to fix all these issues. I swear, once I get a better place to live, I won't feel like the world's hottest mess, lol. A lot of lessons were learned this past week.. and now, new people joined our mission to widen our story. Things keep continuously changing. How we handle that... well, they might drive us half-insane, but, it's gonna kill us to stay the same, so we gotta remember, it's all gonna work out someday.
Love, Roydom Lucian
Photographer: Julio Chavez
What I'm Wearing: Jacket - H&M, Shirt - Vintage Find, Jeans - Levis, Boots - DocMartins