CHAPTER 4: The Times They Are A-Changing
Entry #26: "Do My Thang"
Stay in your lane trick!!! That is a term you should learn and live by, especially during this weird time in our lives. People feel lost right now. Let's be real, it's totally okay to be lost. Most of the time when you get lost, you find yourself. Right now though, it is the perfect time to experiment with yourself and try new things. There are no hair and nail salons currently open, no malls, no department stores, basically no place where you can publicly get help to makeover yourself. That leaves you with no choice but to make use of what you have. Luckily for me, I started making those reinventions before rona. Now that I'm locked behind closed doors, I can play with them a little bit. Not in the way that I wanted to, but enough to satisfy my needs. Who I have become will still be there when this is over, but, it does not mean I have to lock away my wants and my needs. I've seen some things lately, people talk. To be honest, it is kind of an honor getting compared to my former self. Like omg, look at him, he's real simple now, rougher, tougher, darker. He's wearing nail polish and acting differently. This isn't him... I miss the blazers and the pointed shoes on him. His hair is too long now. YAP YAP YAP. Do you I think care? I left all that shit behind in another story because I wanted to be happier. All of that was a costume for me. I look back at my old diary and I could read between the lines. I wanted so badly to fit in with the "normal" influencers, or the "basic" artists. Yes, I have always been telling my truth, but, I walked a thin line on how I presented myself. Never too "out there". Hell, I don't even fit in with the LGBTQ community or any community that I should be associated with. I have had to find my own liberty walk. I'm in my own lane.. and that's okay. Create a path for yourself, and STAY IN YOUR LANE. Now that we are in quarantine, It gives me more time to reflect, yet again. Not that I needed to, but, I'm choosing to do so, to continue to better myself. I know a lot of people are doing self-reflections right now, and that is great. But as you look back and wish you could make changes to things you have done, don't regret what you have already gone through. I wouldn't be here right now feeling like a liberated fuckboy. I would still be that scared little kid hiding behind the pain caused by my illness to my history of abuse. I turned all of that into something more. That was the original plan on another timeline with no Corona. I was supposed to step up and speak up. Now I have to reroute that into other things for the time being. I'm choosing to still step up and speak up, but save enough for the plan that will eventually come back around. Until then, I'm gonna do what I do best now. Let out my inner confidence, experiment with my persona, all while staying in the specific lane I made for myself.
Photographer: RL BAZA
What I'm Wearing: Shirt - Miley Bangerz Collection, Overeall's - Forever 21