CHAPTER 4: The Times They Are A-Changing
Entry #57: Falling
Can I be honest? I'm struggling. Everyone says oh you look great or you're looking great for someone who is in quarantine. I know I look better than I'm used to looking, but mentally, I'm fucked. The things roaming through my head, it is like a whole playground of darkness creeping up there. Don't worry, I am and have been in therapy. On top of that, I'm a songwriter, so obviously, those frustrations are poured into that as well. It's been an up and down river of emotions over the last few months. There is so much I want to say out loud, but I can't. It's not time yet. I swear my loved ones must think I'm crazy. My emotions are all over the place. And if I can't speak my truth out loud yet, then at least I can share a glimpse into what the hell my mind is thinking. I'm falling and falling, somehow I catch myself when I need to, but then I fall and fall, and I swear the hole sometimes is so unbearable. I know when it gets worst because my Arthritis flares up, then my Glaucoma reminds me that it is still here. I'm naturally putting on a show because that is all I know how to do. There is nothing wrong with that btw. It is a reflex that comes in handy. But just because I'm on here with an edge and a vibe that I want to give off, does not mean my head is straight. I'm bobbling around like a damn funko pop. So when I say I'm okay, I don't mean it sometimes. And that's okay. I wanted to keep putting on this straight face for everyone, but that is not in my DNA. I always find ways for things to bleed into everything I do, even if the bloodstains, it's fact. Just because I grow and go through evolutions doesn't mean you snap back to reality. Because sometimes reality is not always what it seems... when it is time, you will know. Yeah, there are 2 sides to the story but remember they both fir into the same narrative once you collect the collective facts within your head...
What I'm Wearing: Sweater - Abrecombie, Pants - Uniqlo, Hat - Good Fellow