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CHAPTER 2: 18 Days
Entry #12: "West Coast"
I used to come out to the beach to reflect on everything. I just love the way my feet feel in the sand. There is a moment where I feel like the whole world around me stops. I always feel that when the sun shines along my face, and the mist from the ocean rubs against my skin. I really needed to come to the beach and think about the last 2 months, mentally 6 months in my mind. I have a lot on my mind. I worry a lot about my band and my career. I worry that New York won't embrace what I want to bring to life. I worry about my illness, more than I show to the public. I haven't been feeling right. My eye hasn't been feeling right. I push it off because I can't see myself going back down that dark path I once walked, and still kinda walk on. Ever since I landed, something has felt off inside of me. I'm here to see my doctor, so I'll soon find out how the inside of myself is doing. I think it's hitting me that 6 years have finally passed. I've been sick for 6 years now. I never saw myself in this position 6 years ago. I can feel the time that I borrowed, slipping away. I hate it. I think that is why I am now pushing harder for my voice and my story, to be heard. I would be lying if I said my illness isn't one of the reasons, I now have a constant desire to move my home-base from NYC to LA. I'm a dreamer, always and forever, but, I need to be logical. I can't let my illness take me down, but, I also realize now, I have to be closer to the rest of my family, in case something happens to me. That is why I am making a promise to myself that the next 9-12 months will be spent making sure I work my way back to them. But, also, taking what I've gained in NYC, and bringing it along with me. I will make sure I use my music as my guide on this journey, just as the footprints in the sand guide me to where I'm supposed to be. As I reflect on the good, the bad, and the ugly from the last 2 months, I can't help but feel proud of myself. I'm out in the world, doing my best with my not so normal situation. The last time I was on this beach, I was a different person. Now, I'm here as a guy on a pathway leading to the collusion of the "right moment". In my gut, I feel it coming. Regardless of what happens to me because of my health, I feel that the right moment for the career portion of my life is coming. Being here today, away from the life I have gained, and away from the life I have known, it's so clear that its all meant to reach its final peak on the west coast. Since I can't be here 24/7 yet, I need to be the west coast, on the east coast. That way everyone in my new life, in NYC, can have that. So we can head down this road to the right moment, together.
Love, Roydom Lucian
Photographer: Courtney Johnson
What I'm Wearing - Jacket - Good Fellow, Shirt - H&M, Hat - Good Fellow, Shorts - H&M